time to start my own weight loss blog. I really want this to be an encouraging, team work kind of blog for girls who are struggling with body image and weight issues. So this first post will be my story:

Once upon a time, in seventh grade, I went on a family road trip for a month across the country. We sat in a van all day pretty much and ate out every meal. I gained over 15 pounds within the first two weeks of the trip. The remaining few weeks I was more conscious of it and only (“only”) gained like 7 more. At that point I weighed about 135lbs. Sophomore year of high school, my mom and I went to a nutritionist because I was 15 and weighed 166lbs. I claim to be 5’6, but reality says i’m 5’5. I’ve had cholesterol issues since I was young and my mom has diabetes. So instead of having body image issues, I had mostly health issues. I lost six pounds, celebrated, went back to normal life. I didn’t have issues with boys or friends, I was active, my weight didn’t hold me back. I wore a size 14 but i’m curvy so it was fine.

Senior year of high school it all set in. i had proms and formals galore to go to. I didn’t have any friends my size for me to borrow dresses from so we found a friend of my mom’s whose daughter had a bunch from when she was in high school. She was a little smaller than me most of the time, but some of her dresses fit and I got enough of them to wear to all my functions. I weighed 185 pounds on a bad day. it was time to make a change. my parents were super supportive and we had a family weight loss competition (like biggest loser, with percentages lost each week and prizes). I got down to about 163 by running a lot and eating right. Then I graduated, went on a senior trip with all my friends to the beach, and was right on back in the 170s by the time i got to college.

Three years late, aka now, the time has been kind and i’ve been sitting at 160 and i’ve been super happy with it. I have a very small waist in proportion to the rest of me so I have a great hour glass to be proud of that i try to rock as often as i can. It’s time again for me to start working towards a healthier weight, if being thin comes along with that then great. But i’m working for healthy, not skinny. On a website I used to calculate my ideal body weight it said “people’s choice: 134” and “medically recommended 114-150”. ten more pounds and i’m in a good place. By getting down to 134, I’d be a girl in her early 20s who’s lost 50 pounds since the start of the battle.

I would like for whoever to join me in my battle. I’m not setting a target weight goal, but I will continue to weigh myself every now and then (not every day because that’s obsessive) and keep everyone updated. I find my confidence in Jesus. I hate the idea of worldly beauty that tells us a size two is cool but a 12 in unacceptable. I want to change that. I never want to be considered “skinny” because I believe that my curves and my cellulite, when paired with my confidence, can make a difference in someone’s life. Someone who struggles and doesn’t believe in themselves or in their natural beauty. 

Confessions: when I say i’m confident, i mean it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t ever doubt myself or that I love all of me all the time. The following are the confessions I feel I should share to make myself transparent, but also to show people how i’ve trained myself:

1. I don’t sit on my knees (like feet under butt type kneeling): it may be the worst position your thighs could ever be in if you’re trying to look thin. and if I do sit that way for some reason, I dont look at my legs (it actually works eventually!)

2. I no longer buy things in size large or extra large unless i absolutely love it. once I lost the first 25 pounds i realized that i could wear smalls and mediums! in middle school when i had large or extra large soffee shorts on, i would mark out the size on it in case someone saw it because then they would know what size it am. i thought “maybe i can just keep it a secret” (see, i did have some issues)

3. when in a bathing suit/bikini especially, i am never sitting and rarely standing. I am laying: i lay down and pull my shorts or cover up off while laying down. no fat rolls or cellulite reaching out if i’m laying down. 

4. I don’t exercise or work out with people that are thinner than me. sounds really mean (especially to my roomies cuz i won’t work out with them) but it has the opposite effect than expected. Most people think: skinny friends = motivation. but for me, skinny friends = wow they are way skinnier than me, why do i even bother.

5. I don’t date boys that are skinnier by a lot than me. he can be long and lanky or whatever, but if he’s too skinny, i don’t feel safe. and i feel huge when i hug him or take pictures with him. 

that’s enough for now. i’m in nursing school and never want to be “that fat nurse” or let my stretchy scrubs get the best of me.

-nurse on a mission for health